Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Couch. On fire.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
