the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His nipple licking is glorious
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