it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
