the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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