sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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