Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
