If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
