my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
