Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
