She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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