i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize