it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
