If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
