Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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