How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
