im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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