If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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