Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
