I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
