he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize