Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
