Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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