hell yes lets make some ravioli
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize