First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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