i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
