my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
