I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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