lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
