the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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