singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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