you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
