I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
