fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
