I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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