its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
