I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
