Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
