He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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