Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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