new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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