i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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