do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
