Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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