In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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