you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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