The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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