he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
two words: eviction party
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
