i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
