She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
