You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
