Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize