Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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