I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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