FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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