note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
meet me or not, i'm out of control
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
