I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
