She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In America we eat man semen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
