Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
