the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
