Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
