just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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