just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
