i'm signing you up for texting rehab
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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