My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
