I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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