K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
