Nicole vs. Life
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
