you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
