I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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